10 years today marks a very special and heartbreaking date since we lost our little baby girl Sierra Willow Holm only a few days after she was born.
So I thought I'd share “A Letter From Mummy” written 28.09.10 the day before we finally laid her to rest, in her memory.
My Dear precious, precious child Sierra Willow Holm, my little cherub as I like to call you.
I love you so much, so so much, so much so that I didn’t even think the depth of this love was possible.
I grieve so much baby girl, my broken heart aches so badly, I want you here with me. I want to hold you forever and never let you go.
Your beautiful soft dark hair (although it’s turning blonde, but for daddy’s sake let’s stick with dark). Your beautiful little hands and feet are so soft and perfect. Your little nails my cherub are perfectly manicured and long. Those perfect little ears, your little button nose and your Cupid’s lips once again a gift from daddy. I’ve never seen anything prettier, and as I said to your daddy “It’s no wonder God wanted you back.”
Let’s talk about the smell of you, what am I going to do baby girl, how am I going to hold onto that smell? I wish I could bottle it.
Every second with you has been so precious and I’ve tried to soak it all up but I know in my heart it will never be enough. Your little life my dear child was cut way too short and I hope one day I find out why because right now it feels so unfair and cruel.
Your life in my tummy for me was thoroughly enjoyable. I loved every single day of pregnancy with you. You were a cheeky little monkey... a real mover and shaker. From feeling your first movements at 16 weeks to your kicks under my ribs, then rolling over and watching my stomach get warped, the knee push out seemed to be your favourite game in which I would proceed to tickle it... you’d pull it back in then push it back out and I’d do the same. You had such personality already and each day you amazed me, I couldn’t wait to meet you.
So each day now since your birth day I’ve smothered you in love. I love to massage your little hands and feet. Caress your soft little head and your smooth smooth baby cheeks. I love to lay with you over my chest to feel the weight of your body on mine. At least God gave me those precious moments. And those moments my dear child are ones that no one can take away.
So how do I say goodbye to my precious Sierra Willow, How? I don’t want you to go but I know in my heart that I have to set you free.
I will see you in the beauty all around. The butterflies, the sun, the moon, the wind, the trees, the flowers, the fairy dust of light in the ocean, and even in the rain.
Remember little cherub, I love you so so much and I look forward to when Mummy and Daddy come up to heaven and there you will be.... waiting... and I will hold you. So full of love, so full of life.
Deeply and forever in my heart you lay, always remembered and never replaced. Take care my little Angel.
Love Mummy xxx 💕
It’s hard to believe that 10 years has passed as we carry on with life and loving it to the fullest in Honour of Sierra. But on this day each year it cracks me open again and again. Life really does get put into perspective.
Sierra inspired Hanako Therapies fruition, and in her memory, we donate a portion of our profits to Bears of Hope Pregnancy & Infant Loss.
I love you all friends and family xxx
Cover image via Pinterest